TERRITORIALLISTY SINGLES & MARRIED : 10 Ways To Marry The Wrong Person Without Knowing It (A Must Read)

Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. Here are practical tools for keeping your eyes wide open.

With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a “statistic,” try to internalize these 10 insights – by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.
#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married.
The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can’t behappy with the person the way he or she is now, don’t get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, “You actually can expect people to change after their married… for the worst!”
So when it comes to the other person’s spirituality, character, personal hygiene,communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.
#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.
Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the “I’m in love” syndrome. “I’m in love” often means, “I’m in lust.” Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person’s character?
Here are four character traits to definitely check for:
Humility: Does this person believe that “doing the right thing” is moreimportant than personal comfort?
Do I want to be more like this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?
Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn’t have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity?
Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he’s going to do?
Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?
Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?

#3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most.
Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn’t “get it.” Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.
The unique need of a woman is to be loved — to feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.
This is most apparent in Judaism’s approach to intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the intimate needs of his wife. Intimacy is always on the woman’s terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, “Men have two speeds: on and off.” Women are experience-oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.
#4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.
There are three basic ways we connect with another person:
chemistry and compatibility
share common interests
share common life goal
Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you’re “living for,” while you’re single — and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you.
This is the true definition of a “soul mate.” A soul mate is a goal mate — two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.
#5. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.
Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Physical involvement tends to cloud one’s mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.
It is not necessary to take a “test drive” in order to find out if a couple is physically compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don’t have to worry about it. Of all the studies done on divorce, incompatibility in the intimate arena is almost never cited as a main reason why people divorce.
#6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: “Do I respect and admire this person?”
This does not mean, “Am I impressed by this person?” We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.
Also ask: “Do I trust this person?” This also means, “Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?
#7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe.
Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!
Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship.
Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you.
Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There’s a big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestions.” A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.
#8. You pick the wrong person because you don’t put everything on the table.
Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you?
Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, then you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.
#9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.
If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too.
If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.
If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.
#10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.
To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money.
Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that’s no basis for a marriage

TRUE LIFE STORY : THE LOVE STORY OF STEVE AND CINDY WRIGHT

Every married couple has a love story they can tell describing how they met and eventually married because of the love they developed for each other, and we’re no different —except for God. We both know beyond a shadow of doubt that if it wasn’t for the grace of God our “love story” would have a very sad ending because we wouldn’t still be together.
We want to tell you “Our Love Story” hoping it will bring hope to those who need it and Godly inspiration of the miracles God can bring about to those who reach out to Him.
It all started in a small college community in Big Rapids, Michigan. Steve was a sophomore at (what was then called) Ferris State College and was a “disc-jockey” at a student run radio station. Late one evening in (October of 1969), he was on the air playing song requests for those who were listening. That’s where I (a freshman at the same college) came in. Having just come back to my room after a bad “blind date”, I turned on the radio and decided to call in a song request (feeling a bit sorry for the “guy on the radio” who by that time was begging for someone to call).
After telling Steve my song request we started a phone conversation which became the starting point for our personal love story. As I tell everyone —I fell in love with Steve’s voice before I ever even saw his face. That night we talked on the phone for several hours and then agreed to meet at the radio station the next day. From that moment on, a loving (although sometimes turbulent) connection was made that eventually led to marriage two and a half years later in March of 1972.
As in most “fairy tale” romances (which we thought ours was) the ending line goes, “And they all lived happily ever after.” It would be great if that were true in this case —but it wasn’t. Actually, our first year was pretty smooth sailing —a real honeymoon time. But after the birth of our first child the serious realities of life started to upset our peaceful home.
And when turbulent circumstances started to hit (like Steve being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and the upset that can bring with it), our relationship started to take on serious damage and sink into continual arguments and misunderstandings. Unbeknownst to everyone around us, our marriage became a continual battle ground, where we found ourselves unhappy and disillusioned with married life.
There are hundreds of reasons why our marital relationship suffered as it did. Immaturity, self-centeredness, unrealistic and unmet expectations on both of our parts —along with the reality that neither one of us even having a clue as to how to productively resolve conflict or communicate with each other in healthy ways —all played a part of what caused almost irreparable damage to our marital “union.”
Eventually, along with other negative communication missiles we threw at each other, we were using the “D” word (divorce) continually as explosive bombs against each other which put our marriage in serious jeopardy of being forever destroyed.
And then the time came when my dad was having back surgery in another part of the state and my mom asked me if I would come home for a short while to help care for my younger brothers and sister during his hospitalization. Neither Steve nor my mom (or anyone else) was aware of the fact that I saw this as a way to get away from Steve for a while to see what it would be like to live apart from him.
I took our then 15 month old son David back to my parents’ home and stayed to help my family out. After a short while, I decided to tell everyone that I wouldn’t be going home to Steve and would start looking for employment and a different place for David and me to live.
And that’s where we saw God coming into the picture. Jessie (my best friend all while growing up), found out I was in town and called and asked me to go out for coffee with her and “talk.” We did —and as we were talking, I could see a pleasant change in Jessie’s countenance —there was a peaceful way about her that I’d never seen in her before. Eventually, I told Jessie of my marital problems and of my plans to leave Steve. Jessie then started to share with me what was happening in her own life.
Jessie had recently become a “born-again” Christian and explained to me of the positive changes God was bringing about in her life-changing the way she perceived everything —especially the problems that came her way.
As Jessie was talking, it’s as if a huge blindfold fell off my eyes and I could see everything in my own life in an entirely different light than I’d ever seen any of it before. I didn’t understand much about this “born-again” relationship with Jesus Christ —but one thing I did know —I wanted whatever it was more than I’d ever wanted anything else in my life.
And so later that evening I prayed for God to change me as He had Jessie. I asked Him to forgive me for everything I’d ever done that was wrong and asked Jesus Christ to be my own personal Savior and the Lord of my life. That prayer, because of the miracles God alone can bring into being, started a whole chain of events (some of them pleasant, and some of them very difficult) that has entirely transformed in a positive way, the marital relationship that Steve and I now have with each other.
Jessie’s counsel at that point was to “go home to Steve and let God work in his heart also.” I was a bit concerned because even I didn’t understand what this spiritual change would bring about in our lives —how would I explain this to Steve? But somehow I just knew Jessie’s advice was sound.
So I went home and didn’t preach at Steve or even tell him of this “born-again” experience because I wanted to read the Bible and learn more about it myself. I just started living out the principles for loving as I was learning them —praying that someday I’d be able to explain to Steve what had come about in my own spiritual life, in a more intelligent manner.
It wasn’t long before Steve started to sense something positive was happening within my own heart toward him (and all of life in general) and he began to ask questions.
The following is what Steve says about this whole experience after I came home. Steve:

“I wasn’t aware, at the time, of what had transpired in Cindy’s life since she’d gone to her parent’s house. But, when she came home I knew, practically from the second she walked through the door, that something was different —very different, and I liked it. Her whole countenance —her attitudes and behavior towards me, had changed. It took me about two weeks of living with the “new” Cindy (okay, I can be slow —but I’m not stupid) before I sat her down and asked her what had happened-why was she so different than before she’d left.
After she shared her experience of asking Christ to personally come into her life to forgive her of all she’d done wrong and to change her heart, I knelt beside our bed and asked Jesus to come into my own heart and life as well.”

If this was a movie, the credits would have started rolling here as we would walk off hand-in-hand into the sunset as “The End” would appear on the screen, but the reality is —this was just the beginning. God, at this point, began to reveal to both of us what needed to be done to build a healthy, loving relationship with each other.
From that time on it has been a continual up-hill battle all the way, to repair what was broken, and to throw out the garbage we’d dragged (and sometimes still attempt to drag) into our marriage. It’s taken no less than sheer determination and perseverance to learn how to live in a loving, covenantal, God-honoring relationship with each other.
And though it’s been an extremely difficult process at times —it’s been worth every single effort we’ve ever had to put into it. God has truly, miraculously transformed our lives with each other.
And the work and the miracles never end because as with all married couples, there’s still “life to contend with” in the daily grind of living, that pulls at us in every direction. But by pro-actively, continually choosing to grow together as a marital team, reflecting the love of the Lord, dependent upon the Lord’s empowerment, life together at this stage of marriage is very good —VERY good indeed!
And this is our prayer for every married couple we come in contact with —that they will experience the deep, abiding love of Jesus Christ as we have, in and through their marriage, so it reaches out to others who are married so they will also want to experience the love of God… And the miracles will never end…

TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

IMPORTANT INFO TO OOU STUDEDNT

VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR UNDERGRADUATES PARTICULARLY INTRA/ INTER-UNIVERSIT Y TRANSFER & GRADUATED CANDIDATES
If you do not possess certified admission letter from "JAMB" into OOU Ago-Iwoye, be it D/E VIA DFP PROGRAMMES OR DIPLOMA OR UME/UTME/PDS then your admission is Irregular.
This is Last Opportunity for you.
See the Directorate of Students's Affairs or the Directorate of Academics Affairs for the solution.
This Privilege lasts betweem now(15th-26th April 2013).
If you miss this last chance, then blame yourself(s) for the woe(s) as the University shall not entertain such complaint on Irregularity of Admission. Thank you
Signed
Dean Students Affairs

Cc:
VC, DVC, REGISTRAR, Deputy-REGISTRA R, BURSAR, SAO, PROVOSTS, DEANS, SUG

TERRITORIALLISTY BREAKING NEWS: Several Hurt In Explosions At Boston Marathon Finish Line

The scene at he finish line after the explosions.

Boston Mararthon, CBS Boston, Finish Line Explosion, Lisa Hughes, Marathon Sports, WBZ

BOSTON (CBS) – Several people have been hurt in two explosions near the Boston Marathon finish line.
Watch: Live Finish Line Camera
It happened around 2:45 p.m. outside Marathon Sports on Boylston Street, according to WBZ-TV’s Lisa Hughes, who was near the scene covering the marathon.
There were two “incredibly powerful explosions just seconds apart,” according to Hughes.

Some people were reportedly missing limbs.  Others had blood on their heads.
“There’s a lot of blood” at the scene, according to WBZ-TV producer Ken Tucci, who reported seeing more than ten people taken away from the scene on stretchers.

YOUR MESSAGE

Share the word of God or today's sermon with the world, lets start with today's message

 

Topic: Service is Responsibility
Text: Mark 6:35-38
When God created the world, he did not have any money, but he had faith. We measure our capability to solve problem in terms of our financial resources. Many complain about lack of capital to execute fantastic plans, that will change the world.

The disciples suggested that Jesus should send people away because he could not feed them, they failed to see the resources that are available to a child of God  Most people think they can not achieve anything without money.Their are particular areas you can function best. "GOD HAS EMPOWERED YOU TO DO SOMETHING WITH THE VALUE HE DEPOSITED IN YOU".
 
The more you think of what others have,that you do not have the poorer you become.  It is because they are where they should be, that is why they could succeed, find your place. Whatever you complain about or  see that others do not see is WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DOING.
When you avoid responsibility you avoid opportunity for greatness.

Musical ability, creativity can not be measured in monetary form. You have the ability to achieve great things, BELIEF IN YOURSELF BECAUSE GOD IS RELYING ON YOU FOR THE CHANGE WE DESIRE. 
by PASTOR SAM ADEYEMI

TERRITORIALLISTY FASHION :4 Bad Beauty Habits to Ditch Today

Spring has sprung and it's time to commence that honored tradition of spring cleaning. Shuddering at the thought? Yeah, we are too! That’s why we’re putting off the vacuuming and organizing in favor of some more entertaining spring cleaning: that of the beauty sort! These are the bad habits we'll be banishing from our beauty routine effective immediately.  

Overbuying

We're all guilty of this one. We buy a whole load of makeup each season, excited for the new trends, and then we barely use any of it. Hey, can you blame us? We like pretty shiny things! This spring, save yourself some money and your bathroom counter some space and get smart about your makeup budget. After all, do you really need eight eye shadow palettes? We think not.

Neglecting Your Skin

Every woman longs for glowing, blemish-free skin, but many of us don't even realize how we sabotage our own goals. Skimping on sleep, overindulging in sugary sweets and not treating our skin to TLC are all major no-nos in our book.
This season, we're spring cleaning our skincare routine and incorporating two major skin saviors: anti-aging products and exfoliating goodies. Since exfoliation is the number one route to clear skin, we'll be applying this mask from Joanna Vargas weekly. On the anti-aging spectrum, Olay's age-defying day lotion is about to whip our skin into youthful shape.

Being High Maintenance

Who really has the time to spend hours getting ready every morning? Between the hair, makeup and grooming we have to go through, it takes a lot of work to look your best. This spring, we're simplifying our beauty routine with these multitasking stars. Forget the sunscreen, moisturizer, serum and foundation time drag in favor of a one-stop beauty saver like this BB cream from Dr. Lewinn by Kinerase. Shaving cream and razors? Not anymore! Combine the two with Venus & Olay razor. The bottom line? Whatever your beauty poison is, make sure it saves you a few steps in the process!

Hairy Habits

Bombshell model hair is at the top of our to-do list, but that goal won’t be achieved without a bit of work. That’s why this spring we’re going to stop subjecting our locks to so much high heat (hey, we can work with our natural texture for a change!), commit to a weekly nourishing hair masque, and create a schedule to get regular trims at the salon. By making these few changes we can banish bad hair for good.

image: IMAXtree

TAGS:

• beauty tips

TERRITORIALLISTY SINGLES AND MARRIED: Pursuing a Marriage Worth Finding

Do you want to marry someday? Are you ready to marry someday? You might even wonder why you haven’t found “that special someone” yet, despite your thinking you’re ready for marriage and the fact that you’ve been praying about it (maybe for a long, long time).
To help you, as you pray, the following are a few articles posted on Boundless.org which could you could learn from (whether you are a woman praying for a husband or a man praying for a wife). Please click onto the following web site links to read:

• HOW TO PRAY FOR A HUSBAND

• ON PRAYING FOR A HUSBAND

“Why or why not?” might be the question on your mind and heart as to why your prayers aren’t being answered in the way you believe they should.
To be quite frank, the answer is not only a mystery today, but it’s one that you might not ever find out, this side of heaven. Maybe yes, and maybe no. But something that could be coming into play here is one that Bible teacher Beth Moore points out. She said, “If God puts a stay on things, you can figure that something is up … things in heaven are coming into play with things on earth.” That’s a good point. Who but God knows the complexities of your situation in light of all eternity? You might think this is the “perfect” time, but from God’s vantage point, you might not know about a lot of complicating circumstances that are holding things up.
Beth goes on to give another possibility: “God never hangs a veil over our understanding accidentally. He is intentional. There is a reason. And the reason may be that He is calling you to faith.”
So, it could be that things aren’t put into place quite yet for that “event” to happen and/or it could be that God is calling you to further trust Him. But author A.J. Kiesling gives one more insight that it would be good to consider:. He writes, “So you want to tie the knot —great! But before you start scanning dating profiles, make sure you’ve done the proper ‘housecleaning.’”
To learn more on what he’s talking about, please click onto the Crosswalk.com web site link to read:

• ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE?

After reading the previous article, you might want to argue with God concerning this matter as to your readiness, but God could be telling you (by the fact that it’s not happening) that it might not be wise at this particular time. Consider that: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 16:25). And death in this case, it might pertain to a lot of information that you don’t know about at this time.
Possibly your reason(s) for marrying will lead to trouble. They make sense to you, but God might be protecting you from some type of “folly.” ”It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the LORD” (Proverbs 19:2-3).
Author, Wayne Johnson points out a number of reasons that could be considered “folly” or “foolish” for marrying, ones that you it might be good to read about as you click onto the following web site article:

• FOOLISH REASONS FOR GETTING MARRIED

With that said, however, it is also “foolish” to think that because your reasons or motives may not be the best at this time, you will be denied by God, the “right” to be married. It doesn’t usually work that way. After-all, a lot of people marry —many of whom are “good” Christians, yet they marry when they shouldn’t (either now or ever, for some reason).
God gives us a free will and allows us to make mistakes. If you’re persistent enough, He might not stop you, but it’s something you also might live to regret.
It would be good to consider that if God has been revealing truths to you through this article, and/or through other ways, this could be the best time possible to step back and work on whatever issues you have, that should be dealt with before marrying.
But while you’re doing so, should you date? Julie Ferwerda addresses this important issue in the following Growthtrac.com article:

• SHOULD I WAIT OR DATE?

Also, the following is an article posted at Boundless.org that might help you to consider character qualities that can be important to work on developing. Suzanne Hadley “informally interviewed a dozen married couples to find out what drew them to their spouses and what made them stick around.” There are “10 characteristics rose to the top.” To learn more, please click to read:

• 10 WAYS TO BE MARRIABLE

God knows your needs. It’s not that He wants to deny you “the love of your life” but rather to guide you to partner with Him along the road you are to travel.
Suzanne Hadley Gosselin, wrote about this in a two part series featured in a webzine where she discusses the importance of trusting God with your relationships. She wrote:

“One foundational truth about my singleness is God sees my need. Moments after creation, God takes a personal interest in Adam’s lonely state. ‘It is not good for the man to be alone‘ (Gen. 2:18). God did not create humans to live in isolation. He designed us to long for and experience companionship and love. And if He had compassion toward Adam’s loneliness, I can trust that He sees and understands mine.”

To learn more concerning God’s partnership with you in this area of your life, please click onto the Boundless.org web site link below to read:

• TRUSTING GOD WITH RELATIONSHIPS (Part 1)

Suzanne goes on to write:

“I often notice people becoming uptight when we begin discussing the issue of trusting God with relationships. This is because they equate trust in God with passivity. But since when did ‘trusting God’ mean ‘do nothing?’ We’re all rather attached to eating, right? But do we sit at home waiting for meals to come to us? No, we work to purchase food. Similarly, if you want the job, you apply for the job. If you want to get involved in your church, you show up at the small group. And if you want to get married, you take initiative with members of the opposite sex by building healthy relationships with them and either pursuing or being open to pursuit.”

To read more, please click onto the Boundless.org web site link below to read:

• TRUSTING GOD WITH RELATIONSHIPS (Part 2)

Trusting involves having faith. And faith, by its definition is: F.A.I.T.H. which means: Forsaking All I Trust Him. Faith involves trust that forsakes doing things your own “logical” way.
Part of the wait, might be that you’re looking for your “soul mate” in “your pursuit of a marriage worth finding.” If that’s so, you might consider what author Gary Thomas writes on this issue. As he says,

“In a biblical view, there is not ‘one right choice’ for marriage, but rather good and bad choices. We are encouraged to use wisdom, not destiny, as our guide when choosing a marital partner. There is no indication that God creates ‘one’ person for us to marry. This is because Christians believe that God brings the primary meaning into our lives. Marriage — though wonderful — is still secondary.
“…The reason it is so crucial to adopt the Bible’s view of “good and bad choices” over your destiny of finding ‘the one’ is that the former attitude allows you to objectively consider the person you marry. There is no objective measurement of ‘destiny.’ Powerful emotions can blind us to all sorts of clues; when we adopt the biblical attitude of making a ‘wise’ choice, we can use all that God has given us to arrive at a solid decision that should be based on a number of factors.”

To learn more, please click onto the Boundless.org web site link to read:

• SOUL MATES OR SOLE MATES?

Please realize that:

“Whether or not you are being pursued, whether or not you have a boyfriend [or girlfriend], whether or not you are on the track to getting married, it does not define who you are or your value or what your purpose is here on earth. Remember that. Remember that you are created in God’s image. I’ll say it again: He made you in his image (Genesis 1:26-27). He sent his Son to earth for you (John 1:1-4). He has pursued you since the beginning of time and continues to constantly pursue YOU and wants relationship with you and desires to show you his love (Zephaniah 3:17).
“Believe that. Savor it. Hold on to it each and every time you feel frustrated and dejected” (Laura MacCorkle, from Crosswalk.com article “He Said – She Said: What’s Wrong With Me?”).

This article was put togetther by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions International.